I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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