: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
