i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
