hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
