Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
