dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
