How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
