Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
