Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
