Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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