I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
