there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
