Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
