I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
