I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
