I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
