I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize