slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
