I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The dick lei will go down in squad history
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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