I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
