Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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