Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
