why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
