I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
These tits shall not be calmed
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