I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
