And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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