I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
