Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
