All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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