i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Green mimosas i think yes
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
