That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
