He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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