im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
