and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
