so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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