Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
