yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
