I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
