I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize