the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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