So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
