I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
