Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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