That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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