dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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