we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
