He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
