dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
