maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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