k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
