don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
