remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
