The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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