you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize