what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
