Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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