guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize