I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
