so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
