You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize