home. puking in laundry basket.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
