you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
