You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
