how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Randomize
