I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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