What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
