Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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