I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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