i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
