hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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