My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
