there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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