I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
