she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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