it wasn't lemon gatorade
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
