we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
