I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
