How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
