He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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