Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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