woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
