so explain again why im purple
no
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize