the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This is my gift to your gina
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
