dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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