Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
