I cannot find my penis.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
