The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
