I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
