a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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