google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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