i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize