Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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