what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
