Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
