So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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