don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
