TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize