she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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