My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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