Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
