I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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