I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
