You're so nebulous sometimes
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
