i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
