so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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