I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
