Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
