I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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