I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
