She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
