Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
