people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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