she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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