You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Send help, water and tortillas.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
