I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
