I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
